Podcasts are great road trip companions, especially when driving back from visiting my baby. They keep my mind off the growing physical distance between me and him. On our way back from our most recent visit, Neil and I listened to NPR’s podcast “Hidden Brain,” hosted by social science correspondent Shankar Vedantam. In episode 42, […]
Author: Emily
What To Do When Everything Feels Tainted
Grief is a strange monster. He throws a fit when ignored for too long, then grabs me by the throat when I look him in the eye. He morphs and wears disguises, vying for my attention, craving my consumption. Sometimes I can keep him confined to the closet, but eventually, I must deal with him. […]
How Regret Can Be Divisive
One of the recurring themes of being a birthmother is regret. The topic has surfaced in many of my conversations with birthmothers. Some of them regret their decision to place, while others regret the way in which the placement was handled or certain details about the adoption. Still other birthmothers, like three of the women […]
11 Best Quotes for Healing Birthmothers
The decision to place a child for adoption is made in 9 months or less, but the consequences last a lifetime. I am still at the tip of the iceberg in my adoption journey, with Dominic being only 14 months old. But in this short time, I’ve met so many inspiring women, families, and adoption […]
Why I Kept His Pictures Out of Sight
Trying to control grief is like trying to choke a fish: it’s slippery so tightening my grip only lets it get away, and the fish doesn’t breathe air anyway, so why am I choking it? The harder I try to control my grief, the more firmly it lets me know who’s master. “You will feel […]
Why I Don’t Congratulate Pregnant Women
“So I heard you had the baby,” a friend said to me less than a month after Dominic was born. I looked at him, hoping my wince was imperceptible. “Yes.” “Congratulations,” he said with sincerity. “Thanks,” I mumbled, turning away to hide my flushed face. What was he congratulating me for, I wondered. Clearly I […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part Two
Author’s note: This is the conclusion to a two-part series on finding peace. The first part was published last week and can be read here. The word “peace” is often used to describe stillness, resolution, or a time absent of war. Parents (of children or animals) long for “peace and quiet,” while somewhere a […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part One
Author’s note: This is the first in a two-part series on finding peace. The conclusion will be published next week. Two weeks ago, a large wildfire raged about 60 miles north of where I live. The fire began on the outskirts of the little town of Lake Isabella and spread quickly. Officials ordered evacuations […]
Getting Through the Bad Days
Time warps under the weight of depression. It stretches and twists until I can no longer judge whether I have been sitting still for five minutes, five hours or five days. Another week passes and I wonder what’s eaten the time, yet each second I watch the clock with a desperate eye. “Bad days” are […]
How Not to be a Victim Anymore
Recently, I read a blog post by one of my favorite authors, Donald Miller. The title caught my eye because it is a question I’ve often asked myself: “Are you playing the victim to manipulate others?” Miller argues that everyone has been a victim at least once in their lives, and wrote, “We were either […]