The decision to place a child for adoption is made in 9 months or less, but the consequences last a lifetime. I am still at the tip of the iceberg in my adoption journey, with Dominic being only 14 months old. But in this short time, I’ve met so many inspiring women, families, and adoption professionals. Their words have brought hope, healing and affirmation.
Here are 11 of my favorite quotes that I’ve heard from people I know and found in other resources:
The decision to place is one of the most difficult I’ve ever had and probably will have in my life. Birth parents just need to realize that placing shouldn’t make you feel guilty and having a life after placement is OK. Your decision is for the both of you, child and parent. Birth parents have made an ultimately selfless decision and they deserve to have a life and not let that go in vain.”
— Nicole, birthmother of 5 years
A birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart.”
Forgive yourself for not having the foresight to know what now seems so obvious in hindsight.”
Denial is sometimes the only way to cope when you have no other way and life must go on.”
— Tammy, birthmother of 28 years
In the months before I gave birth, when my boyfriend and I were just getting to know the couple we had chosen, I was able to comprehend the coming exchange only on the most theoretical of levels. But it seemed like gentle math: girl with child she can’t keep, plus woman who wants but can’t have child. Balance the equation, and both parties become whole again. During those months, my son’s mother, Holly, observed that birthmothers have to accomplish in one day the monumental task of letting go that most parents have 18 years to figure out.”
— Amy Seek, “Open Adoption: Not So Simple Math”
To attain to a place of acceptance of an adoption decision is an honorable goal, but often an arduous journey.”
— Sandra Cantrell, pregnancy counselor
Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are….Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our lives.”
— Brené Brown, “The Gifts of Imperfection” [pg. 50]
It has been said that adoption is more like a marriage than a birth: two (or more) individuals, each with their own unique mix of needs, patterns, and genetic history, coming together with love, hope, and commitment for a joint future. You become a family not because you share the same genes, but because you share love for each other.”
What makes or breaks us ultimately is our attitude toward the things we can’t control.”
He is mine in a way that he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine, and so together, we are motherhood.”
There are two different kinds of strength. There’s the strength to make a parenting plan and then there’s the strength to give that plan to another.”
— Unknown
