So much of life as a birthmother is a Catch-22. I was reminded of this at my last visit, when I took Dominic to the largest playground near his house. He clambered around on the playground equipment, looking so proud as he descended the slide by himself. Children of all ages swarmed the equipment, while […]
children
How a Mathematic Theory Gives My Placement Purpose
“Do you believe Dominic is here for a reason?” I blinked at my counselor. It was a yes-or-no question, but the answer seemed more complicated than what those small words could express. No? Yes? I mean, sometimes? “I don’t know,” I said after an awkward silence. She let the topic drop. The day she asked […]
How I’m Raising an Invisible Child
In my childhood, three imaginary friends kept me company. Small in stature, Golly, Hammer and Guys ate dinner, played tea parties and ran outside with me. I always became upset when one of my parents accidentally sat on them and squished them. Golly, Hammer and Guys were imaginary. Even though I outgrew them, sometimes I […]
11 Best Quotes for Healing Birthmothers
The decision to place a child for adoption is made in 9 months or less, but the consequences last a lifetime. I am still at the tip of the iceberg in my adoption journey, with Dominic being only 14 months old. But in this short time, I’ve met so many inspiring women, families, and adoption […]
Why I Don’t Congratulate Pregnant Women
“So I heard you had the baby,” a friend said to me less than a month after Dominic was born. I looked at him, hoping my wince was imperceptible. “Yes.” “Congratulations,” he said with sincerity. “Thanks,” I mumbled, turning away to hide my flushed face. What was he congratulating me for, I wondered. Clearly I […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part Two
Author’s note: This is the conclusion to a two-part series on finding peace. The first part was published last week and can be read here. The word “peace” is often used to describe stillness, resolution, or a time absent of war. Parents (of children or animals) long for “peace and quiet,” while somewhere a […]
Being a Birthmother Again and Forever
Common human experiences create communities, cultures, friends, families and other groups of people. A camaraderie forms between those who go together through things like high school graduation, playing on a sports team, attending church, an unexpected death or tragedy, or another bond-forming event or activity. Parenthood is one of the most universal denominators among adults. […]
Why I Won’t Let Society Dictate my Identity
This year was my first Mother’s Day as a birthmother. As the holiday neared, I found myself re-evaluating my identity as a birthmother. Dominic’s first birthday is also this month, which is causing me to brood a bit on the past year’s events. In my first blog post, I was optimistic about my birthmother identity, […]
Mother’s Day Letters from Adoptive Parents
Today, many families will set aside time to pay tribute to the mothers in their lives. All mothers deserve honor — not just on Mother’s Day, but daily. Yet for birthmothers, this honor is sometimes withheld, and today’s celebrations can be just another painful reminder of the lack of recognition and the decision to place. […]
Preparing for Mother’s Day
In lieu of a post today, I am preparing a special Mother’s Day post to be published on Sunday. Several adoptive parents have written letters to the birthmother(s) of their child/ren and agreed to share them on this blog. Please check back on Sunday to read their kind words of thankfulness, encouragement and love! To […]