How I’m Raising an Invisible Child

In my childhood, three imaginary friends kept me company. Small in stature, Golly, Hammer and Guys ate dinner, played tea parties and ran outside with me. I always became upset when one of my parents accidentally sat on them and squished them. Golly, Hammer and Guys were imaginary. Even though I outgrew them, sometimes I […]

What to Remember in the Shame of Everyday Life

Mothers often feel a lot of shame. Whether it’s the voices of friends, family, society, or themselves, mothers constantly hear about how they should parent, how they should look, how their kids should behave and perform, what they should feed their family, etc. I have a lot of compassion for mothers. I know what it’s […]

What To Do When Everything Feels Tainted

Grief is a strange monster. He throws a fit when ignored for too long, then grabs me by the throat when I look him in the eye. He morphs and wears disguises, vying for my attention, craving my consumption. Sometimes I can keep him confined to the closet, but eventually, I must deal with him. […]

How Regret Can Be Divisive

One of the recurring themes of being a birthmother is regret. The topic has surfaced in many of my conversations with birthmothers. Some of them regret their decision to place, while others regret the way in which the placement was handled or certain details about the adoption. Still other birthmothers, like three of the women […]

11 Best Quotes for Healing Birthmothers

The decision to place a child for adoption is made in 9 months or less, but the consequences last a lifetime. I am still at the tip of the iceberg in my adoption journey, with Dominic being only 14 months old. But in this short time, I’ve met so many inspiring women, families, and adoption […]

How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part One

Author’s note: This is the first in a two-part series on finding peace. The conclusion will be published next week.   Two weeks ago, a large wildfire raged about 60 miles north of where I live. The fire began on the outskirts of the little town of Lake Isabella and spread quickly. Officials ordered evacuations […]

Five Things I Wish I’d Known When I Chose Adoption

Everyone needs to make big decisions at some point, like what to do after high school, when and who to marry, where to live, and so on. One of my most significant decisions was whether to choose adoption for Dominic. As with any choice, unknowns swarmed my decision-making vision. Research quickly changed my view of […]

Being a Birthmother Again and Forever

Common human experiences create communities, cultures, friends, families and other groups of people. A camaraderie forms between those who go together through things like high school graduation, playing on a sports team, attending church, an unexpected death or tragedy, or another bond-forming event or activity. Parenthood is one of the most universal denominators among adults. […]

Why I Won’t Let Society Dictate my Identity

This year was my first Mother’s Day as a birthmother. As the holiday neared, I found myself re-evaluating my identity as a birthmother. Dominic’s first birthday is also this month, which is causing me to brood a bit on the past year’s events. In my first blog post, I was optimistic about my birthmother identity, […]