I hate running. At least, that’s what I’ve told myself for most of my adult life. I used to play soccer, and running after a ball was OK, but running to train and running just for the sake of it feels horrible. On Sunday, I ran in my first 5K event. Although I trained for […]
parenting
How Being a Birthmother Makes Me a Fraud
So much of life as a birthmother is a Catch-22. I was reminded of this at my last visit, when I took Dominic to the largest playground near his house. He clambered around on the playground equipment, looking so proud as he descended the slide by himself. Children of all ages swarmed the equipment, while […]
How I’m Raising an Invisible Child
In my childhood, three imaginary friends kept me company. Small in stature, Golly, Hammer and Guys ate dinner, played tea parties and ran outside with me. I always became upset when one of my parents accidentally sat on them and squished them. Golly, Hammer and Guys were imaginary. Even though I outgrew them, sometimes I […]
What To Do When Everything Feels Tainted
Grief is a strange monster. He throws a fit when ignored for too long, then grabs me by the throat when I look him in the eye. He morphs and wears disguises, vying for my attention, craving my consumption. Sometimes I can keep him confined to the closet, but eventually, I must deal with him. […]
11 Best Quotes for Healing Birthmothers
The decision to place a child for adoption is made in 9 months or less, but the consequences last a lifetime. I am still at the tip of the iceberg in my adoption journey, with Dominic being only 14 months old. But in this short time, I’ve met so many inspiring women, families, and adoption […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part Two
Author’s note: This is the conclusion to a two-part series on finding peace. The first part was published last week and can be read here. The word “peace” is often used to describe stillness, resolution, or a time absent of war. Parents (of children or animals) long for “peace and quiet,” while somewhere a […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part One
Author’s note: This is the first in a two-part series on finding peace. The conclusion will be published next week. Two weeks ago, a large wildfire raged about 60 miles north of where I live. The fire began on the outskirts of the little town of Lake Isabella and spread quickly. Officials ordered evacuations […]
Five Things I Wish I’d Known When I Chose Adoption
Everyone needs to make big decisions at some point, like what to do after high school, when and who to marry, where to live, and so on. One of my most significant decisions was whether to choose adoption for Dominic. As with any choice, unknowns swarmed my decision-making vision. Research quickly changed my view of […]
Why Openness is not a Universal Solution
Communication is the glue of relationships. It trumps proximity, commonality, and even time, in keeping people together. Without effective communication, a relationship cannot be established or move forward. In open adoption relationships, communication between the adoptive family and the birth family is what keeps the adoption open. The families are tied by the child, but […]
When His Preference Is Not Me
A few weeks ago, I had a short visit with Dominic and his parents while I was in town for another engagement. I stopped in on my way home, knowing the visit would last only a couple of hours. I was so thankful for the opportunity to see him, even for a little while, instead […]