Advice for dealing with grief is everywhere. The Internet abounds with it, friends and family are quick to offer it, and best-selling books are full of it. As a friend recently reminded me, though, each person’s grief journey is unique. Advice should be replaced with compassion. Grief charts its own course, but those whom it […]
placement
How a Mathematic Theory Gives My Placement Purpose
“Do you believe Dominic is here for a reason?” I blinked at my counselor. It was a yes-or-no question, but the answer seemed more complicated than what those small words could express. No? Yes? I mean, sometimes? “I don’t know,” I said after an awkward silence. She let the topic drop. The day she asked […]
How Regret Can Be Divisive
One of the recurring themes of being a birthmother is regret. The topic has surfaced in many of my conversations with birthmothers. Some of them regret their decision to place, while others regret the way in which the placement was handled or certain details about the adoption. Still other birthmothers, like three of the women […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part Two
Author’s note: This is the conclusion to a two-part series on finding peace. The first part was published last week and can be read here. The word “peace” is often used to describe stillness, resolution, or a time absent of war. Parents (of children or animals) long for “peace and quiet,” while somewhere a […]
Five Things I Wish I’d Known When I Chose Adoption
Everyone needs to make big decisions at some point, like what to do after high school, when and who to marry, where to live, and so on. One of my most significant decisions was whether to choose adoption for Dominic. As with any choice, unknowns swarmed my decision-making vision. Research quickly changed my view of […]
‘Moving On’ Without ‘Getting Over It’
“When are you going to get over it?” These hurtful words are spoken to many birthmothers, who I’ve heard lamenting the questioner’s lack of empathy and compassion. The one who asks the question may be well-intentioned, trying to motivate the birthmother to move through her grief and depression after placement. (Or they are just being […]