“Do you believe Dominic is here for a reason?” I blinked at my counselor. It was a yes-or-no question, but the answer seemed more complicated than what those small words could express. No? Yes? I mean, sometimes? “I don’t know,” I said after an awkward silence. She let the topic drop. The day she asked […]
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What to Remember in the Shame of Everyday Life
Mothers often feel a lot of shame. Whether it’s the voices of friends, family, society, or themselves, mothers constantly hear about how they should parent, how they should look, how their kids should behave and perform, what they should feed their family, etc. I have a lot of compassion for mothers. I know what it’s […]
How Regret Can Be Divisive
One of the recurring themes of being a birthmother is regret. The topic has surfaced in many of my conversations with birthmothers. Some of them regret their decision to place, while others regret the way in which the placement was handled or certain details about the adoption. Still other birthmothers, like three of the women […]
11 Best Quotes for Healing Birthmothers
The decision to place a child for adoption is made in 9 months or less, but the consequences last a lifetime. I am still at the tip of the iceberg in my adoption journey, with Dominic being only 14 months old. But in this short time, I’ve met so many inspiring women, families, and adoption […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part Two
Author’s note: This is the conclusion to a two-part series on finding peace. The first part was published last week and can be read here. The word “peace” is often used to describe stillness, resolution, or a time absent of war. Parents (of children or animals) long for “peace and quiet,” while somewhere a […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part One
Author’s note: This is the first in a two-part series on finding peace. The conclusion will be published next week. Two weeks ago, a large wildfire raged about 60 miles north of where I live. The fire began on the outskirts of the little town of Lake Isabella and spread quickly. Officials ordered evacuations […]
How Not to be a Victim Anymore
Recently, I read a blog post by one of my favorite authors, Donald Miller. The title caught my eye because it is a question I’ve often asked myself: “Are you playing the victim to manipulate others?” Miller argues that everyone has been a victim at least once in their lives, and wrote, “We were either […]
Five Things I Wish I’d Known When I Chose Adoption
Everyone needs to make big decisions at some point, like what to do after high school, when and who to marry, where to live, and so on. One of my most significant decisions was whether to choose adoption for Dominic. As with any choice, unknowns swarmed my decision-making vision. Research quickly changed my view of […]
Why I Won’t Let Society Dictate my Identity
This year was my first Mother’s Day as a birthmother. As the holiday neared, I found myself re-evaluating my identity as a birthmother. Dominic’s first birthday is also this month, which is causing me to brood a bit on the past year’s events. In my first blog post, I was optimistic about my birthmother identity, […]
Three Things to Learn from the Practice of Zen
Zen Buddhism emphasizes meditation, through which followers believe enlightenment can be attained. According to one website, the religion “rejects the study of scriptures, religious rites, devotional practices, and good works in favor of meditation leading to a sudden breakthrough of insight and awareness of ultimate reality.” I am not a follower of Zen Buddhism, but […]