Everyone needs to make big decisions at some point, like what to do after high school, when and who to marry, where to live, and so on. One of my most significant decisions was whether to choose adoption for Dominic. As with any choice, unknowns swarmed my decision-making vision. Research quickly changed my view of […]
Author: Emily
How I’m Swimming Out of the Rip Tide of Suffering
Living in California means I have relatively easy access to renowned beaches. I say “relatively” because although the beaches are close when you count the miles, L.A. traffic makes the trip a bit more of a trek. I don’t lounge on the sandy shores often, but in the past month I’ve gone twice. Besides sharks, […]
Being a Birthmother Again and Forever
Common human experiences create communities, cultures, friends, families and other groups of people. A camaraderie forms between those who go together through things like high school graduation, playing on a sports team, attending church, an unexpected death or tragedy, or another bond-forming event or activity. Parenthood is one of the most universal denominators among adults. […]
The End of the First Year
Among birthmothers, it is generally understood that the first year after placement is the hardest. My first year comes to a close this month and I am really struggling. Other birthmothers have told me, “It gets easier.” But for now, it doesn’t feel that way. I admit this not because I crave pity or coddling; […]
When Memories Arise from Everyday Living
This week I was bitten by a dog. I won’t go into the specifics, so suffice to say, it really hurt. As I wailed on the floor of my house with a towel wrapped around my injured arm, I immediately thought, “Why am I crying? This doesn’t hurt nearly as much as giving birth!” That […]
Why I Won’t Let Society Dictate my Identity
This year was my first Mother’s Day as a birthmother. As the holiday neared, I found myself re-evaluating my identity as a birthmother. Dominic’s first birthday is also this month, which is causing me to brood a bit on the past year’s events. In my first blog post, I was optimistic about my birthmother identity, […]
Mother’s Day Letters from Adoptive Parents
Today, many families will set aside time to pay tribute to the mothers in their lives. All mothers deserve honor — not just on Mother’s Day, but daily. Yet for birthmothers, this honor is sometimes withheld, and today’s celebrations can be just another painful reminder of the lack of recognition and the decision to place. […]
Preparing for Mother’s Day
In lieu of a post today, I am preparing a special Mother’s Day post to be published on Sunday. Several adoptive parents have written letters to the birthmother(s) of their child/ren and agreed to share them on this blog. Please check back on Sunday to read their kind words of thankfulness, encouragement and love! To […]
Dreadful Nights
When you cry yourself to sleep, The world is wrapped in silence. The stillness only speaks To your overwhelming darkness. When you cry yourself to sleep, And no one stays to hear, The loneliness can overtake The good memories you hold dear. When you cry yourself to sleep, Your sorrow knows no bounds. The pain […]
Seeking Closure from an Ambiguous Loss
No doubts exist in my mind about whether I lost a child. I did. In most contexts, “losing someone” implies a death. But some scenarios, including mine as a birthmother, are much more complicated. With a Ph.D. in child development and family studies, Pauline Boss is an educator, researcher and author of the theory of […]