Podcasts are great road trip companions, especially when driving back from visiting my baby. They keep my mind off the growing physical distance between me and him. On our way back from our most recent visit, Neil and I listened to NPR’s podcast “Hidden Brain,” hosted by social science correspondent Shankar Vedantam. In episode 42, […]
adoption
What To Do When Everything Feels Tainted
Grief is a strange monster. He throws a fit when ignored for too long, then grabs me by the throat when I look him in the eye. He morphs and wears disguises, vying for my attention, craving my consumption. Sometimes I can keep him confined to the closet, but eventually, I must deal with him. […]
How Regret Can Be Divisive
One of the recurring themes of being a birthmother is regret. The topic has surfaced in many of my conversations with birthmothers. Some of them regret their decision to place, while others regret the way in which the placement was handled or certain details about the adoption. Still other birthmothers, like three of the women […]
11 Best Quotes for Healing Birthmothers
The decision to place a child for adoption is made in 9 months or less, but the consequences last a lifetime. I am still at the tip of the iceberg in my adoption journey, with Dominic being only 14 months old. But in this short time, I’ve met so many inspiring women, families, and adoption […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part Two
Author’s note: This is the conclusion to a two-part series on finding peace. The first part was published last week and can be read here. The word “peace” is often used to describe stillness, resolution, or a time absent of war. Parents (of children or animals) long for “peace and quiet,” while somewhere a […]
How Birthmothers Can Find Peace — Part One
Author’s note: This is the first in a two-part series on finding peace. The conclusion will be published next week. Two weeks ago, a large wildfire raged about 60 miles north of where I live. The fire began on the outskirts of the little town of Lake Isabella and spread quickly. Officials ordered evacuations […]
How Not to be a Victim Anymore
Recently, I read a blog post by one of my favorite authors, Donald Miller. The title caught my eye because it is a question I’ve often asked myself: “Are you playing the victim to manipulate others?” Miller argues that everyone has been a victim at least once in their lives, and wrote, “We were either […]
Five Things I Wish I’d Known When I Chose Adoption
Everyone needs to make big decisions at some point, like what to do after high school, when and who to marry, where to live, and so on. One of my most significant decisions was whether to choose adoption for Dominic. As with any choice, unknowns swarmed my decision-making vision. Research quickly changed my view of […]
Being a Birthmother Again and Forever
Common human experiences create communities, cultures, friends, families and other groups of people. A camaraderie forms between those who go together through things like high school graduation, playing on a sports team, attending church, an unexpected death or tragedy, or another bond-forming event or activity. Parenthood is one of the most universal denominators among adults. […]
The End of the First Year
Among birthmothers, it is generally understood that the first year after placement is the hardest. My first year comes to a close this month and I am really struggling. Other birthmothers have told me, “It gets easier.” But for now, it doesn’t feel that way. I admit this not because I crave pity or coddling; […]