Grief is a strange monster. He throws a fit when ignored for too long, then grabs me by the throat when I look him in the eye. He morphs and wears disguises, vying for my attention, craving my consumption. Sometimes I can keep him confined to the closet, but eventually, I must deal with him. […]
memories
Why I Kept His Pictures Out of Sight
Trying to control grief is like trying to choke a fish: it’s slippery so tightening my grip only lets it get away, and the fish doesn’t breathe air anyway, so why am I choking it? The harder I try to control my grief, the more firmly it lets me know who’s master. “You will feel […]
Getting Through the Bad Days
Time warps under the weight of depression. It stretches and twists until I can no longer judge whether I have been sitting still for five minutes, five hours or five days. Another week passes and I wonder what’s eaten the time, yet each second I watch the clock with a desperate eye. “Bad days” are […]
Why I Hoard Keepsakes Since Becoming a Birthmother
A popular — and therefore, commercialized — activity for vacationers is to buy souvenirs. Tourists hunt for trophies from their favorite destinations to lug home for their left-behind family, friends or dog. Sometimes these mementos are displayed in the traveler’s own home, because he or she wants to remember the getaway through this token. Usually […]