Mothers often feel a lot of shame. Whether it’s the voices of friends, family, society, or themselves, mothers constantly hear about how they should parent, how they should look, how their kids should behave and perform, what they should feed their family, etc. I have a lot of compassion for mothers. I know what it’s […]
Nicole
11 Best Quotes for Healing Birthmothers
The decision to place a child for adoption is made in 9 months or less, but the consequences last a lifetime. I am still at the tip of the iceberg in my adoption journey, with Dominic being only 14 months old. But in this short time, I’ve met so many inspiring women, families, and adoption […]
‘Moving On’ Without ‘Getting Over It’
“When are you going to get over it?” These hurtful words are spoken to many birthmothers, who I’ve heard lamenting the questioner’s lack of empathy and compassion. The one who asks the question may be well-intentioned, trying to motivate the birthmother to move through her grief and depression after placement. (Or they are just being […]
Dealing with Denial: Three Birthmothers Speak Out
Perhaps the most well-known philosophy on grief is the Kübler-Ross model. Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross postulated in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying” that grievers progress through five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Later in life, she acknowledged these stages are not universal nor does everyone move through them in the same order. […]
Thoughts on Regret
“Hindsight is 20/20.” The saying has never seemed more true than when I think back on my adoption decision. Acknowledging that I could not tell the future was the driving force behind choosing to give Dominic to another family. A year ago, I did not know how my marriage might heal from the events of […]
Questioning the Future: Common Fears of Birthmothers
Putting my pen to the paper in front of me, I signed my name on the dotted line. I was not paying a restaurant bill, accepting a package, or buying a car. No, on the day after my baby was born, I was signing his care over to another family. In only a few days, […]